Have you ever felt like a weeble?

Being in an emotionally abusive relationship does nothing for your belief in you’re ability to make good decisions, does it? If you could fall for, and stay with, an emotionally abusive man you have cause to question at least some of the decisions you’ve made.  

The fact is, you probably weren’t that brilliant at decisions in the first place. 

Maybe you were trained to believe that decision-making lay outside your remit.  It could have been a gender thing, allegedly; “women don’t make decisions”; or it could have been that, in the eyes of the people around you, you were far less equipped to make decisions … than they were.  

The wasband was exceptionally good at making decisions  I’m not saying he was good at making good decisions.  He wasn’t.  He often made exceptionally bad decisions.  But he usually made them with an impressive air of conviction.  Whereas I wobbled and wobbled….  And still do wobble from time to time.  

“What if I get it wrong?  What dire consequences will befall me?  Am I About-to-Wreck-My- Whole-Life?”   

 (Think weeble, and you won’t be far off.) 

The wasband didn’t have those problems.  He’d stand like a man on a diving board, exuding conviction from every pore, and then belly-flop determinedly into the pool.  As often as not, by dint of being too pigheaded to think things through before he belly-flopped, he’d land, ingloriously, on the bottom of an empty pool. 

But here’s the thing: he’d pick himself up, and carry on, still with the same energy of his conviction.  

Now, I’m not suggesting my wasband should be a role model for anyone.   

But there is something we can all learn from him – a couple of things, actually.  First, always make sure there is water in the pool before you jump, so you are guaranteed a reasonably soft landing. (That’s the least you deserve.)  Second, once you land, you can always pick yourself up, and go on from there.  If the wasband could do that, with his towering ego, you certainly can, too. 

That’s the bit that’s disappeared from view, isn’t it? 

An emotionally abusive relationship is one in which you have been totally overwhelmed by your partner.  You’ve been overwhelmed by his negative treatment of you – and his negative view of the world, especially your world. 

If your relationship was anything like mine – which is highly likely since, to all intents and purposes we married clones; so you were married to my wasband, and I to yours – then you could expect to be punished for making any decisions off your own bat. 

You become so well programmed that you ended up believing that making a decision is more dangerous than making no decision.  

That’s not true, of course. No matter how true it feels. 

The reality of decision-making is this: we all make some good decisions, some not so good decisions, and one or two disastrous decisions.  

You’ve already made the most disastrous decision of your life. 

It has two legs, it probably raises its voice a lot, and it calls itself, “Mr Wonderful”.  

Unless, you sign up for a clone – and I’ll do my level best to help ensure you don’t – then your worst fear has already happened.  

Even that’s repairable. 

There is life after an abusive man.  

Each decision you take will move you step further along the way. 

That’s an important thing to understand.  When you’re frightened, and wobbling, you want to sort out your entire future at one hit.  

You can’t do it. 

Nobody can. 

It’s just not possible. 

What you can do is take one decision at a time, and constantly review, the situation.

Look at it this way.  Back in the days when people used compasses to find their way from one place to another, what did they do?  Did they stand at their starting point, take a look at the compass, take that first step, and chuck the compass over the shoulder, never to be used again?  

They didn’t, did they? 

Maybe steering your course hasn’t been your strongest suit.  So far. 

Maybe your innate sense of direction isn’t that brilliant.  But you’d still prefer to get from where you are now, to where you want to be, than stay stuck.  

So what do you do?  

How about you get a compass, and you use it frequently – even religiously – to ensure you stay headed in the right direction?  How much better does that feel? 

It makes sense, doesn’t it?  

That’s something you can do. 

Being a weeble doesn’t have to be a life sentence, you know.  Inside every weeble there’s a pair of sturdy little feet just aching to get out and support you.