- Live in “I’ll Be Happy When” mode... much as you know that doesn’t work. You won’t Be-Happy-When for two very good reasons; first because chances are it ain’t going to happen and, second, external events are never going to make you happy until you commit to making yourself happy, right here, right now.
- Allow people close to you who treat you badly.
- DON’T hold other people accountable for their behavior. When you let someone get away with bad behavior you give them the message that it’s okay for them to come from the worst in themselves in their treatment of you. That’s not good for you, and it’s not good for them. Contrary to that idiotic old Love Story saying: Love means holding yourself and other people accountable.
- Tell yourself you’re not good enough, not deserving enough, and/or not worthy enough. It’s not true, and it’s certainly not helpful to you… Although it works really, really well for any abuser within a 50 mile radius.
- Deny yourself care, consideration, proper food, adequate sleep, quality time, fun, laughter etc.
- Keep thinking about the things – or more correctly the person – who makes you miserable. Doing that hurts you every time you do it, but it doesn’t change things one bit for them. There’s no magic connection there, they don’t feel your pain.
- Tell yourself and the world what “someone else” should do, or should think. You might as well tell the weeds that they shouldn’t grow in your garden. Your shoulds sound to them, exactly like nagging. Besides, your shoulds are far less important to them than their own programming and agenda.
- Practise selflessness… obsessively. Selflessness – or self-sacrifice, or martyrdom, if you prefer – is a thankless way to live. In the real world, martyrs always end up at the bottom of the heap.
- Forget that your life matters. If you want to put your life on hold, other people will give you every encouragement to do so. They won’t thank you for being their unpaid servant, but they will let you – because you’re awfully convenient.
- Let blame and shame rule your life. Blame and shame devour more souls than the Devil ever did. Yes, I know you’re really, really good at reproaching yourself, and you sure as hell have done the time, BUT… you never committed any crime. Whatever happened, it’s over, now. Done. Finished. Past history. Instead of listening to Blame-and-Shame’s eternal monologue, take a little time to tell those nasty little critters exactly what pains they are, and why they have no further place in your life.
Annie Kaszina, international Emotional Abuse Recovery specialist and award-winning author of 3 books designed to help women recognise and heal from toxic relationships so that they can build healthy, lasting relationships with the perfect partner for them, blogs about all aspects of abuse, understanding Narcissists and how to avoid them and building strong self-worth. To receive Annie’s blog direct to your Inbox just leave your details here.
The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
