As far as I can see, fairy tales –
or at least the way they are habitually interpreted – have a lot to answer
for. Take the old notion of having to
kiss a lot of frogs before you find the one that metamorphoses into your
prince. It’s a great story, but in
terms of the likelihood of it happening, it’s probably up there with pigs
flying.

 Not long ago a colleague suggested to me that I appear to have
sorted out my problems around relationships and can doubtless now, ‘do’
successful relationships. I replied that
I wouldn’t put money on it.

 I admitted to her that I am quite capable of falling in love
with a frog. I know this because I have
done so enough times in the past. Not
because I thought that they would turn into princes, but because I can be so
easily swayed as to find that a squat green frog can become beautiful and witty
and desirable from one moment to the next.

 I know this because I was once propositioned by an
exceptionally ill-favoured toad and just for a moment I found myself recasting
him as the model suitor: and this despite the fact that he was married,
irascible, perfectly spherical and profoundly devious.

 Nothing came of this momentary madness, but it taught me one of
the most valuable lessons about relationships that I have ever learned. It taught me that I am ‘bad at men’. Probably not appalling, but definitely bad.

 It was an empowering piece of knowledge – once I accepted that
there was no shame attached. It was
simply what it was. It is one of my
design flaws.

 None of us can be good at everything. Women who find themselves in abusive relationships are, in all
probability, not good at men and all the stuff around falling in love. 

 When it results in an abusive relationship it is, obviously,
very damaging. But it tends to happen
when we haven’t yet recognised, or owned, our limitations around choosing men.

Once we do, we have the power to
rectify the problem.