We become fixated on our partner’s potential – and of course he has potential, whatever we mean by that word. If he hadn’t had potential why on earth would we have bothered in the first place. Few of us have a robust enough sense of self, or are that crazy that we choose to have a relationship with someone we feel has less to recommend him than the average cockroach.
ou never will reach perfection, because human beings were never programmed for perfection.
But you are more than good enough, right now, exactly as you are. And you are the seed of what you will become.
I’ve always found that misery begets more misery. Focusing on what you don’t want has an unfortunate but predictable habit of drawing more of the same into your orbit. Focusing on something different, however modest that something may be, has the effect of producing a different, and better, result.
The greatest, possibly the only real power we have in life is over what goes on in our own head. My Inner Sh**bag behaviour, I realised, was once upon a time the best – if not the only – strategy available to a very disempowered woman. I am not that woman any more. Nor do I wish to resort to those behaviours again. Ever.
Yvette is desperate to manage a dysfunctional situation and remain in control of her life. Her dilemma is this: if her partner’s behaviours are unacceptable then she is vindicated… but powerless. Because they are not going to change. If her attitude is to blame, then she is, clearly, losing her grip on the situation but, theoretically at least, she has the power to improve things.
Our children don’t need us to be perfect. Yes, they need us to be good enough, but they are generally prepared to set the bar far lower than we might do for ourselves. They are more likely to judge us by our intentions than our results, provided we are honest and respectful with them.
Negative feelings are invisible and intangible so their power cannot be proved. In fact, the sole proof of their existence lies in our response to them; which is, of course, the only thing that we have the power to change. Because we have the power to choose our reaction.
When you think about it, shame, self-flagellation and self-loathing burn up vast quantities of emotional energy utterly pointlessly. You might as well go outside and stand staring at your car – or for that matter anybody else’s car – and say: “Well, start then.” Willing it to start without starting the motor is not going to achieve the desired effect. Although it could leave you feeling seriously helpless and hopeless, if you had mistakenly believed that it might.
We live in a society where people habitually say rude, abrasive, sometimes clever, things to each other, which are often quite funny. But rude, abrasive words have the power to chip away at a person until they break them into small pieces.
One of the key stages in abuse recovery is making the
shift from isolation into a sense of community. Once can look past the blinkers of isolation, you see many
wonderful people along your way – including yourself.
This was sent to me by ezine reader Karen Hammond. Karen’s sharing brought light to the
domestic violence recovery group at my […]
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
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