“You’re crazy!” was one of the stock accusations that my abusive ex-partner used to great effect. Perhaps you have heard it, too, from your (ex) emotional abuser or Narcissist. It’s a condemnation that is guaranteed to make you feel bad. In this article, I am going to explore the power and the purpose of the […]
“I really wish my partner would hit me> Then I’d have proof!” wrote one despairing reader.
Do you suppose that she really means that? Can she really want her emotionally abusive partner to hit her? Unlikely, right?
So, let’s ask a more useful question,
What is the truth that lies behind that woman’s words?
What the need for proof really […]
My post-separation fantasies
When I walked away from my toxic marriage, I was in pieces – just like every other emotionally abused woman that I met since. I felt hurt, wronged, ashamed – and angry. I struggled to understand how my husband could have behaved so badly to someone (me) who loved him so much. Plus, […]
Emotional abusers just love to be angry, as the wonderful Cindy Lauper did not say – doubtless because she derived a lot more joy from celebrating good feelings than she would have from than focusing on bad ones. Admittedly, it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Why would emotional abusers just love to be angry? […]
“It may be bad but I don’t think it is emotional abuse.”
Emotional abuse is always a journey that starts somewhere at least half-way good – and then descends into hell. You and the other person in the relationship become partners in hell – inasmuch as an awful lot of hellish feelings start to get sprayed […]
My problem is different because…”
“My problem is different because…” is something emotionally abused women tell me, all the time.
One woman explained, recently, that her problem was different – and quite possibly not emotional abuse…because her partner “loved her so much”. He didn’t say the hurtful things that most emotionally abusive men say. However, he did make her feel worthless.
Then […]
Saying that “Shame is not your problem” is a bold statement. Particularly from someone like me who has spent rather a lot of her life bent double under its heavy burden Still, it deserves to be said. Shame truly is not your problem. However it is, most likely a burden that you carry.
In reality, Shame […]
If they “don’t understand”
“I’m not sure my therapist really understands…” writes Natascia, a recovering emotionally abused woman. Unfortunately, her experience of therapy has been like that of many other emotional abuse sufferers in therapy.
At the time in her life when she is most in need of someone hearing and acknowledging her, Natascia is not getting […]
Why does it always happen to me?”
“Why does it always happen to me?” is a question I used to ask myself rather a lot – about the abusive people in my life. It’s also a question that I hear a lot from clients – and pretty much anyone who has been around abusive people.
It’s […]
Emotional abuse is the opposite of love
When a reader wrote to say; “You are teaching us how to love. Thank you.” I was deeply touched. Back when I started my emotional abuse recovery journey, I could not know that the healing journey is all about learning to love and be loved. At the time, I […]
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