An abusive man will always see you in the worst possible light, interpret what you do in the most damning way, and judge you mercilessly. Abused women who give too much spend a lot of time beating themselves up about not giving enough, not loving enough, and not being good enough… to name but three of their deep-seated negative beliefs about themselves.
Abused women have hungry hearts. It was a hungry heart that took them into an abusive relationship in the first place. In the course of the relationship, that heart became a whole lot hungrier.
Hi Annie,
I have to ask your opinion, although I think I already know the answer!
I have been with my husband for 3 yrs. He definitely has issues! He has an anger problem and he has been mentally abusing me during our whole relationship. He tells me it’s my fault, that I’m the reason he blows […]
Abusive men hold a very black and white view of the world. Theirs is a world of contrasts.
You already know this for yourself because your abusive partner invariably come out with pronouncements like these:
“I’m right; you’re wrong.”
“People respect me; they despise you.”
“You’re a lousy mother; I’m a wonderful father.”
“You’re crazy, I’m sane; and normal.”
“You’re too […]
One of the wounds that abused women have received is, undoubtedly, the wound of naivety. We tend to believe too readily. We are too easily deceived. Where are abusive partners are concerned, this costs us dear.
What do you say to the girl who “just wants to help” her abusive partner? Why “helping” an abusive man never helps him, or you.
If you’ve been with an abusive partner for any length of time, you will have been subjected to a lot of ultimatums. Abusive men LOVE them – and they know just how much you hate them.
So, let’s look, for a moment, at the language of ultimatums; why abusive men use them so much, and what […]
How many bad Valentine’s Days have you had?
I can rank mine into 3 separate categories:
Teenage angst, waiting to receive the first Valentine – and wondering whether I would ever get one.
My married years, when the wasband would pointedly buy a card, engineer a fight, and leave the card in its bag, because “under the circumstances, […]
The news of Gerry Rafferty’s death felt like a personal loss. Rafferty was the poet whose song “Baker Street” epitomizes hopium addiction*, and the broken dreams of an abusive relationship.
“Baker Street” was the soundtrack of my hopeless marriage. Gerry Rafferty, in case you don’t know the name, was a singer-songwriter who co-founded Stealer’s Wheel, and […]
I was talking with a client who is taking that long, long walk away from her abusive husband and into freedom.
And, yes, it feels like a frustrating journey that never reaches its destination because every step feels like a ‘baby step’ – and baby steps seem so small, and insignificant, when there is such a […]
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
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