“Do you think that emotionally I am “behind” other adults?” my client asked me.
That’s not a question that I had ever heard formulated in quite that way before. Still, the underlying belief sounded all too familiar.
All children of narcissistic parents come into this world with an emotional yardstick in their little, pudgy hands (metaphorically speaking, […]
Most survivors of narcissistic abuse continue to live like they are still in the old war zone, where everything feels like a matter of life or death. You can take the narcissistic abuse survivor out of the war zone.
But you also have to take the war zone out of the survivor.
What is the most important thing that survivors of narcissistic abuse forget about? The same thing that they forgot about during the toxic relationship. Their own well-being.
Who might you not be showing the care they need?
How familiar are you with the experience of worrying deeply other people’s feelings to the point of tiptoeing around them, metaphorically speaking? Not least because you know that something about the way that they connect with you (or don’t connect with you) feels a tad off […]
Perhaps the most prevalent coping strategy of all of us survivors of narcissistic abuse that really blights our quality of life is self-blame and self shame.
When you grow up in an environment where kindness and compassion are conspicuous only by their absence, blame and shame become the order of the day. Abusive people, especially abusive loved ones, use blame and shame both to motivate you and to demotivate you to the point of paralysis.
You can take a person out of an abusive situation, but it can sometimes prove a lot harder to take the abusive programming out of the person. When you stop buying into that old feeling of worthlessness, you lose the appeal you once had for Narcissists.
All Narcissists are grandiose in their own own way. They all have their exceptional hero and victim story. When it comes to you, however, the narrative changes. Mostly, they focus on your mistakes, alleged flaws and vulnerability. Some focus on your qualities. Yet even if they put you on a pedestal – especially in public – they still manage to use your qualities to make you feel unworthy. The one thing that they will never accept is your authenticity.
True acceptance of my narcissistic relationship would have meant acknowledging that I was totally lost, confused, hurting, ashamed of myself, heartbroken, despairing and not prepared to give up on someone who thoroughly disliked me.
If you grew up in an abusive home, you probably learned to self-isolate and deal with problems, to the best of your ability, alone and unsupported. That is a tough way to live. So, here are some powerful pointers to help you break free of the self-isolation and overwhelm.
I am not going to be offering you any glib suggestions or predictions for 2023. Instead, I want to share with you one thing that we all can use to do the best with whatever hand 2023 deals us.
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
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