We become fixated on our partner’s potential – and of course he has potential, whatever we mean by that word. If he hadn’t had potential why on earth would we have bothered in the first place. Few of us have a robust enough sense of self, or are that crazy that we choose to have a relationship with someone we feel has less to recommend him than the average cockroach.
The ‘l’ word – love – sanctions everything. ‘Love conquers everything’; ‘love means never having to say you’re sorry’; love gives rise to any number of justifications, feeble excuses, lame hopes. I’ve certainly been there, done that and worn the T shirt. Then one day I got the point and burned the T shirt.
Love is… a feeling you have for and about another person. That other person may say that they love you too. Does that mean that your love is reciprocated?
What you believe is what you get. It’s the old story that what you focus on increases or becomes more present. It’s like the way you really notice teenage boys when you are a teenage girl and then when you get older and have different interests, they become invisible. I believed my entitlement was a bad relationship, and I got it.
We’d all like to be the ultimate authority on how best to live our own life. All too often we’re not; either because we have no ‘surrogates’ – by which I mean useful examples of people in successful relationships whom we can learn from – or because we have moronic surrogates, like Hollywood movies. It’s all too easy to get disoriented by feelings, emotions and self-doubt. ‘Life’ can be complicated sometimes.
Most times when we find life too complicated it is because we overlook the obvious, unpalatable truths.
The one simple law that holds for everyone is this: it can be as easy for you as it is for anyone else. You just have to believe it.
F. was understandably devastated by the breakdown of her relationship. She also felt incredibly foolish. In fact, she had never been stupid, or blind. She had not seen and had not known what made her partner a bad choice, because she had not been taught what to look for.
The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.