The last 12 days have been the hardest of my life.
It began when my beloved partner was rushed into hospital where he spent 48 hours in Intensive Care, on a respirator, heavily sedated.
We have not been together long – less than three years – and we are not married. But he is my partner in […]
My client was struggling with what she needed to do. She had not one man but two in hot pursuit. One was her ex-partner who – in the way of abusive men – had discovered he ‘truly loved her’ now she wasn’t returning his texts or phone calls any more. The other was her self-appointed […]
What makes a woman stand out?
Good looks don’t hurt. But, if it were just a matter of looks, then your life would probably have taken a very different path. Because one thing I know is this: it’s NOT because you are less attractive, less intelligent or less worthwhile than anyone else that you’ve ended up […]
Does “chemistry” matter?
Most women seem to think it does. In fact, most of the women I’ve worked with say they couldn’t contemplate a relationship with a man, unless they feel more or less instant chemistry with him.
If he’s a nice guy, but there’s no chemistry, then they don’t consider him partner material.
Whereas, if there is […]
Dear Annie,
I am working on getting away from my abusive partner – although I am finding it more and more difficult. I want to start a new life, but something is holding me back and I don’t know what. I guess it’s fear.
Maybe one day I’ll feel strong enough!!!
Jolene
Dear Jolene,
“One day” […]
Romance probably exerts a powerful pull over you. Many things in your life taught you to desire the Happily Ever After. Yet, nobody ever taught you how to create it. So, here’s a very quick rule of thumb: The thing most likely to guarantee Happily Ever After is…
The abusive man is looking for someone who will serve him 24-7 in various departments of his life: the bedroom, the kitchen, the finance department, parenting – both of his children, and himself – and so on, and so forth. But more than that, the abusive man is someone who will carry a heavy load of loathing – his loathing both for himself and for other people. He is looking for someone he can dump that load on, forever after.
Falling-In-Love, as far as I can see, is about leaping without looking. Falling-In-Love lays you open to the whole unsavory pack of jerks, abusers, and narcissists. I asked my client whether she would take a job without first finding out about the pay and terms of employment. She sounded surprised. She answered, briskly: “Of course not.” Then she saw the connection. You don’t have to fall in love on Day 1, Day 2, or Day 20. Falling-In-Love is optional, not obligatory – although it is a neat way of silencing the little voice in your head that says: “Er… I don’t think so. This one is NOT for me!”
You’ve spent your time being nice to – that is doing back flips to please – a man who treats you badly –and, all the while, treating yourself badly, when you could get to treat yourself well. It’s never about changing away from being nice. It’s all about loving yourself first, and not casting pearls before swine…
How do I determine my part to his actions? He can’t have an argument by himself. So, what I have done in my actions that may have set the course for some of the abuse. There are always two sides to the story. Or does he just get blamed for everything?
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.
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