pain

“How Can I Let Go And Move On”

31 May 2008

You are acting on this misguided notion that until you can go back and heal your past you can’t enjoy the present. You can’t heal the past as such, although you can change the meaning you place on it

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No regrets – “Je ne regrette rien”

25 January 2007

If you focus on our capacity for unhappiness and pain, then that is what you will experience most in your life. If you focus on your strength, your courage, your capacity for love, your humanity and your potential, then that is what you will register. These things may be driven underground in an abusive relationship, but they are never lost. They remain as seeds beneath the snow.

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Kick The Cat Syndrome

10 December 2006

One reader describes this syndrome more tellingly than I could. Like many of us, after an abusive childhood she fell into other abusive relationships. She writes:
“I’ve had so much anger bottled up in me, and recently it was me who lashed out in anger at someone else .. mostly because he wasn’t being honest with me .. but even so, I don’t want to end up being an ‘abuser’ !”

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There’s Just One Law… For Everyone

27 November 2006

We’d all like to be the ultimate authority on how best to live our own life. All too often we’re not; either because we have no ‘surrogates’ – by which I mean useful examples of people in successful relationships whom we can learn from – or because we have moronic surrogates, like Hollywood movies. It’s all too easy to get disoriented by feelings, emotions and self-doubt. ‘Life’ can be complicated sometimes.
Most times when we find life too complicated it is because we overlook the obvious, unpalatable truths.
The one simple law that holds for everyone is this: it can be as easy for you as it is for anyone else. You just have to believe it.

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Be With The Pain

21 November 2006

Sometimes that fear of the pain worsening keeps women in a hopelessly damaging relationship, because of an old –profoundly questionable – belief that even a bad partner is better than no partner. (It’s a kind of reworking of that dubious old cliche: ‘better the devil you know than the devil you don’t’. How does that one work? How can you possibly know that the person/future you don’t know will be worse?)

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