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5 Things You Need to Know about Setting Boundaries with a Narcissistic Partner or Family Member
You have to understand that boundaries serve the purpose of protecting you from abuse and restoring your sense of your worth. Boundaries do not exist to help you create a bit of breathing room for yourself in what is an unjust and unpleasant status quo. They serve to establish the kind of status quo that you choose to be a part of, a status quo in which you are shown the respect and consideration owed to an equal. That is what makes effective boundaries so essential for every survivor of narcissistic abuse.
“Will my family ever really see me?”
Have you ever felt invisible? In the context of your home with an abusive partner? And especially in your family of origin? if so, this post is for you.
This week, a lovely client was asking me why it was that her family of origin just didn’t seem to see her? Even when she was physically […]
Are you competing in the emotional hurdles?
“Do you think that emotionally I am “behind” other adults?” my client asked me.
That’s not a question that I had ever heard formulated in quite that way before. Still, the underlying belief sounded all too familiar.
All children of narcissistic parents come into this world with an emotional yardstick in their little, pudgy hands (metaphorically speaking, […]
What do you think about pickleball?
Most survivors of narcissistic abuse continue to live like they are still in the old war zone, where everything feels like a matter of life or death. You can take the narcissistic abuse survivor out of the war zone.
But you also have to take the war zone out of the survivor.
What is the most important thing you forget during tough times?
What is the most important thing that survivors of narcissistic abuse forget about? The same thing that they forgot about during the toxic relationship. Their own well-being.
Who might you not be showing the care they need?
Who might you not be showing the care they need?
How familiar are you with the experience of worrying deeply other people’s feelings to the point of tiptoeing around them, metaphorically speaking? Not least because you know that something about the way that they connect with you (or don’t connect with you) feels a tad off […]
What coping strategies do you fall back on when life is hard?
Perhaps the most prevalent coping strategy of all of us survivors of narcissistic abuse that really blights our quality of life is self-blame and self shame.
When you grow up in an environment where kindness and compassion are conspicuous only by their absence, blame and shame become the order of the day. Abusive people, especially abusive loved ones, use blame and shame both to motivate you and to demotivate you to the point of paralysis.
How much does a feeling of worthlessness cost you?
You can take a person out of an abusive situation, but it can sometimes prove a lot harder to take the abusive programming out of the person. When you stop buying into that old feeling of worthlessness, you lose the appeal you once had for Narcissists.
Could you have underestimated just how grandiose your Narcissist really was?
All Narcissists are grandiose in their own own way. They all have their exceptional hero and victim story. When it comes to you, however, the narrative changes. Mostly, they focus on your mistakes, alleged flaws and vulnerability. Some focus on your qualities. Yet even if they put you on a pedestal – especially in public – they still manage to use your qualities to make you feel unworthy. The one thing that they will never accept is your authenticity.
The 5 Simple Steps to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Over the next 5 days, I'll send you some lessons and tips that I've found have really helped women to heal from narcissistic abuse. Starting with the basics.