“Why does it always happen to ME?”

by Annie Kaszina on April 22, 2014

Why does it always happen to me, is a question I used to ask myself rather a lot.   It’s a question that any woman who has ever been in an emotionally abusive relationship is bound to ask herself a lot.  

And it’s a BAD question.

These days, I don’t go there. It serves no useful purpose.  All it does is reinforce the old stereotypes I learned in my emotionally abusive relationship.  However, I have this belief that when you learn a lesson, The Universe likes to test you, to make sure you really know it. As opposed to just saying you’ve learned it.

Right now, I’m living an interesting moment, being tested, it seems. Some tiresome emotional abusers from the past have emerged from under their stone to do their ‘thang’, one more time. (Time does not change them. Bless!)

In my personal life, there’s enough trying stuff going on to keep my mind well and truly exercised.  This requires heavy duty self-care and stress-busting techniques – including frequent trips at my wonderful local coffee shop  which is my haven, and the 4th emergency service.  But, even there, The Universe caught up with me.

A perfectly unremarkable bathroom visit was disrupted by someone rattling the door handle furiously. I emerged to an angry male creature snarled menacingly that it’s a disabled toilet only (false) and I have no right to use it. Ever! (He does, of course.)

Having tried sweet reason with him, I walk off, leaving him spitting bile at me. He then heads first to the counter, and then to do the door, from where, across a crowded coffee shop, he yells “Selfish bitch” at me.

Clearly, a class act.

(You’ll never guess who was the last person to call me that!)

Resisting the mild temptation to go and punch him (he weighs about 300 lbs to my 110), I inform the manager – who’s also just been roundly abused.

(So, it’s not just happening to me, then!)

The manager does not feel that I have to justify myself.

(Now, that’s a learning!)

In fact, I’ve been sitting here a little while, and it seems there must have been Difficult Customers meet up arranged on Facebook, because the shop has seen way more kinds of unpleasant in one morning than they normally do.

So, when it’s raining c*ap, everyone gets rained on!)

What come next are expressions of concern from other customers, and staff.

(What do you know?  A lot of people can be fair-minded, and actually CARE!)

The manager, and I – and the other lovely staff members – were subjected to abuse because Mr Toilet-Priority happened. He’s not a nice guy, we all agree. He’s got issues. He thinks he’s entitled to so much more than everyone else.  He thinks he has the right to name call, twist facts, and visit judgement on people, at will.  Just like any emotionally abusive man.  He actually had the gall to order the manager that the manager to keep the toilet door locked so that only the deserving Toilet-Priority few, can have access.

Stupid us, for not realizing that Mr Toilet-Priority is so much more entitled than everyone else. Including the mothers and babies who – idiotically – imagined that they might be allowed access to the changing mat.

Does Mr Toilet-Priority remind you of anyone?

He certainly could.

There are two sad things about it, I guess. One is that Mr Toilet-Priority, and his ilk, choose to live out their worst impulses and worst behaviors. The other – which is much more relevant to you – is that you tend to take responsibility for their bad behavior.

The accusations someone like Mr Toilet-Priority levels at you, are never about you. They’ve just reached a point where they are busting a gut to disburden themselves of – at least some of – their load of negativity, and nastiness, and they use you to discharge it, onto.

You get my drift.

It’s not about you.

Bad stuff happens to anyone who happens to be in the firing line of someone behaving badly.

That’s all there is to it.

Ultimately, the simple answer is to take yourself out of the firing line: physically, and/or emotionally.

I really wouldn’t have minded not having the experience of Mr Toilet-Priority. But since it did happen to me, I’ll take from it, and share, all the learnings I can. Bless him! I’m sure he’d be pleased to know that he taught me a lesson – even though it wasn’t the one he had in mind.

I’m guessing that learning from the experience is a lot more than Mr Toilet-Priority will do. He’s probably still cursing everyone involved for being selfish, and lazy, and failing to put him first.

Isn’t if funny how the people who accuse you of being selfish are always defending their sacred, inalienable right to be… well, selfish?)

Hey ho!

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