Top 10 Tips To Do Emotional Abuse Recovery The Easy Way

by Annie on March 5, 2013


  1.  Stop blaming yourself for everything. It can’t possibly all be your fault. Make it a rule to only ever blame yourself for one thing per day – and preferably choose something small and ‘fluffy’ while you’re about it: e.g. “I just smudged my lipstick!” Everything else will just have to be put in a queue for the next available day.
  2.  Laugh a bit. If you’re an an emotionally abused woman, you have a massive laughter deficit from your time in an emotionally abusive relationship. In the interests of your health, you need to laugh more. Laughter is pretty close to being ‘the best revenge’.

  3.  Start looking for what you like about yourself. Your mind is a funny old thing; just because it’s yours, it doesn’t mean it knows everything. You feed it a lot of horrible, negative stuff; show it a good time for a change. Tell it a few good things about you. Surprise it.

  4.  Do some research; find out what YOU like doing – that is, doing for yourself. It’s not just enough to like watching your children laugh. Yes, that’s nice, and may warm the cockles of your heart, but it doesn’t help you know who you are as a person.

  5.  Give your emotionally abusive partner a silly name. Don’t bother trying to do that to his face – Mr Toxic-Temper-Tantrums probably won’t take it too kindly. But, inside your own head, find a name for him that makes you smile. If you’re struggling, start with Mr I’m-So-Wonderful, or Mr Full-Diaper, of Herr Humorless, and find out what works for you. Hint: it beats referring to him as “my husband/partner”, or whatever his first name is.

  6.  Rehashing the past serves no useful purpose, so DON’T. If your emotionally abusive partner hadn’t been an out and out horror, you wouldn’t be reading this now; you’d probably still be massaging his ego. But he’s in training for the World Nastiness Championship 2014. You might as well accept it. Pretty much anything you can do, including unblocking a sink, or pairing socks, will be a lot more useful.

  7.  Practise saying “No”. Being an emotionally abused woman means you’ve said a lot of yeses in your time, either to keep the peace, or because you were worried that people wouldn’t like you otherwise. This means you have amassed a LOT of proof that “Yes” is not a magic wand to make your life better. “No” is a much more useful word. You’ll soon see who only ever hung around you for your “Yeses” and you’ll start to attract a better class of person.

  8.  Do NOT dive headlong into dating or the next relationship. Until you know who you are, and you are over your emotionally abusive relationship, you will be a relationship liability. You need to know that for as long as you are still listening to “Radio Regret” you’ll be transmitting a message, on a very high frequency, that will attract creeps, bad boys, abusers, philanderers, addicts and other nightmares to you. Don’t. Just, DON’T.

  9.  Don’t expect other people to understand what you’ve been through. Most people have this weird thing about them that means you only have to try to get them to understand where you’re coming from, and show a little compassion, and they’ll do the exact opposite. Instead, they’ll use it as an opportunity to hold forth on their opinion. Do you really want to hear about how they think you should live your life? I didn’t think so.

  10.  Will you please stop “forever-ing”? You’ve forgotten that Life – and that includes yours – unfolds with endless, unforeseeable twists and turns. So, you can’t stand on the little pebble of your life today and see for miles, and miles, and miles, to what your life will look like, say, 10 years from now. It just can’t be done. So, stop worrying about 10 years down the line, and start focusing on what you can do to enjoy this moment.


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