How To Help A Victim

by Annie Kaszina on January 19, 2009

Dear Annie,

 

Do you have or know of any resources written for the family
of the victim of emotional abuse?

We are in desperate need of ways to help my
sister get it together before her divorce trial. We are doing the best we can
with a terrible situation where she is hardly helping herself and just unable to
handle any attempts for others to help her. She wants people to  
support her, but she’s unable to grab the lifelines we’ve been throwing her way.
Please help.

 

Thank you sincerely,

Susan

 

Hi Susan,
 
I'm sorry
to say I neither have nor know of the resources you are looking
for.
 
But then,
there may be a reason for that: the motivation for healing can only come from
the abuse survivor herself.  If only you could do it for her, if only we could
all do it for the ones we love, there would not be any abuse victims. 
 
So, I'm
thinking: what might help her?
 
Knowing
nothing about your sister it is quite hard to guess.  She might respond to songs
like: Martina McBride's "Broken Wing", or Jamelia's "Thank You".  There may be
films that would make sense to her.  (The only one that springs to mind right
now is "Sleeping With The Enemy"…  Not that good, perhaps, but better than
nothing.)  She needs to understand that she can have a much, much better life
without her husband.   
 
The point
is, once she starts to see the example of abused women who have:
 
a) been
through the same stuff
b) survived
and THRIVED
 
she may
start to believe that she can also.  (She's been fed a load of rubbish by her
husband about how she will never find anyone as wonderful as him.  And she has
believed it…)
 
Once your
sister realizes that she has been ill treated by an abusive clone, who is simply
running a program, the chances are she may start to feel differently.  Many
women do.
 
It may help
for her to have a coaching session for me, if she is even that motivated.  If
not, then you just have to continue to offer her your love, support and
hold the belief for her that she will recover and build a happy
life for yourself, until such time as she can do it for
herself.
 
The bottom
line is this: if she has been so bruised and battered in her abusive relationship that she cannot hold on to
the belief that she can ever be whole and happy and healthy again, she needs you
to do it for her, until she can.
 
Now, I now
that this makes huge demands for you, especially when you are caught up in
worrying if she will ever recover.  Rest assured, with the right help and, with
someone who is prepared to believe in her strength and her worth, she
will.
 
You do for
her far more than you know.
 
 
Warm
wishes,
 
Annie

 

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